A life long student of success psychology. Turned his passion into his work and writer of the book: The secret of Attraction.
Fear of commitment is a bitch...
This time I am writing about the fear of commitment. The fear some people have of committing you someone. Both men and woman experience this.
This fear is based in being afraid someone will leave you when you open up completely. The fear of abandonment and the fear of commitment are therefore interconnected.
Women with fear of commitment
In general more guys experience this fear. Different research gives different numbers. Some indicate as much as three in every ten women experience a mild form of fear of commitment. And the numbers are increasing.
Why avoid these women?
Men can be so cool and yet have a small heart. And eventually every man wants to find the woman if his dreams in the end.
Women with commitment issues are usually the best flirters because they have been playing this game for a long time, and often. They can play a lot with the push-pull of flirting. She might quickly look like the ideal woman. But we might get hurt when this amazing lady shows a completely different side of herself. So it’s better to keep away from these women in the first place.
Signs someone might have commitment issues
To avoid these women you first have to know what to look for. Unfortunately this isn’t easy. A specific symptom doesn’t have to mean anything, so it’s best to look for clusters of symptoms.
For example pay attention to the following:
- Isn’t there anyone better? Who is best? Women with fear of commitment show small signals, in words or expressions, that they are looking for the best or prettiest thing out there. Commitment fears are partly based in the fear of missing out on something better. An example: ‘Who has more muscles? You or he? Who earns more money? Who has the biggest dong?’ When a woman is continuously looking for something better or bigger, keep your eyes open for other signals!
- Extreme standards Nowadays the standards that men and women have to keep up with is already quite different than fifty years ago. This is partly because of the extreme beauty we see on the internet, television and in magazines that don’t give us an honest representation of reality. Women with commitment issues however, think this is normal. They will expact ‘the one’ to be like this and keep looking to find it. Unfortunately (and luckily) no-one can live up to those extreme standards which makes these women keep doubting whether their current guy is good enough. This signal is very much linked to the first one.
- Relationship-hopping A lot of short-term relationships is a good indication of the fear of commitment. She WANTS a relationship, but the pressure was too high. ‘He wasn’t the one’ will be her reaction. But note that not all women that enjoy relationship-hopping have commitment issues. Some are just afraid to be alone or like the attention a partner gives them to much.
- No future plans These women will try to avoid talking about planning vacations, how they see the future, marriage or children. They can even turn angry when you bring up these subjects or can say you are choking them to much in the relationship.
- Shallow but awesome conversations This is a bit bitter, but you get good and what you do a lot. When you enjoyed a lot of starting-phases of relationships you will become a master of it. She will be very interesting when you get to know each other. She has a lot of amazing stories that she told a lot of times before and is a master of seducing. She knows what she should and should not talk about through experience and knows how to get a man’s attention.
- Your versus her commitment Women with fear of commitment are masters of push-pull. She also does the push-pull in the commitment you both have towards the relationship. She will ask you to express your full commitment (pull) but will never say the same (push). This is a big one guys, so watch it!
- Sometimes she’s a huge bitch Sorry ladies, without wanting to judge, this is true. Women can sometimes be outrageous bitches. Women with commitment issies can use this principle to their advantage, as a strategy. They have fears of their own and don’t know how to handle this situation. When they want to quit the relationship or want to stop seeing you often, she might start behaving strangely and annoying. She’ll make sure you will get angry and YOU end the relationship. Thanks, that’s exactly what she was after.
Fear of commitment isn’t a choice
Some people, both men and women, just use ‘I have commitment issues’, but women who truly experience these fears do it because they are afraid. They have anxieties little people truly know. So never judge people with commitment fears. Still pay attention to not fall for their charm. A lot of people with these kinds of fears are in relationships however, but never really commit or connect to their partner.
In the end, finding true love is one of the pleasures of life. Keep your eyes open and avoid and obstacles on your way!
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