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First date tips

Door: Dan de Ram     In:     Geplaatst: 30-11--0001

Youtube celebrity dedicated to help men get the love live they deserve, through authentic dating advice.


First date tips

Here's my definition of a date:

To give her a “taste” how it is to spend time with you.

In this article youll learn how to become as proficient with first dates as Lionel Messi is with a football.

Table of contents:

First date tips 101: create the perfect first date

Here’s my definition of a date:

Beware: at first some of your dates might be as awkward as Tom Cruise’s appearance on Oprah.

But that’s okay bro.

You do realise that your biggest failures in life are actually way more interesting than your biggest successes, didn’t you?

Recently Arnold, Patrick and me were sharing our most catastrophic first date stories.

Horribly embarrassing stuff that keeps me entertained endlessly. 

Our guts were spilled, it was truly epic.

With pride I’ll later share one of the stories of my personal horror top 3!

But first the reason why a lot of men miss the point before they even get started.      

How to ask her out on a date (without looking like a serial killer)

Did you ever realise that asking a woman on a date is maybe the weirdest thing there is?

Why?

Because they’re dating a man, and you know how scary that can be :)

To get her on a date she will need to:

  • Feel safe with you
  • Be sexually interested in you

But how do you do that? 

How to prepare for a first date

You’ve made a good start by checking this article before the date.

The better prepared you are, the less tension you’ll experience before the date.

Before you leave the house I want you to go through a few steps. These are things you want to do if you want to make sure you are in top shape on your first date (I do them myself every single time as well)

  • Do some sports in advance! This will make you more relaxed
  • Brush your teeth (duh)
  • Wear your best shoes (seriously, women look at this!)
  • Perfume = bonus points
  • Don’t use too much gel in your hair ;)
  • Bring chewing gum
  • Sunglasses when the sun shines: it sucks if she wears sunglasses and you don’t
  • Do something interesting that day. It gives you something to talk about. If you don’t do interesting stuff in your life, at least think of one interesting story to tell.
  • Gay bonus tip: hand cream makes your hands nice and soft :P

This way you can be relaxed cause you’re being prepared.But you can still blow everything if you are not aware of…

4 stupid first date mistakes

Do you also have the feeling that you learned too little useful stuff in school?

Of course you learned about the Pythagorean theorem and how photosynthesis works… but what about the life skill of ‘not looking like a psychopath on your first date’…

… when it comes to this most men are as uneducated as Trump voter (just kidding ;-).

Before youd ive into the First Date Bible I wrote for you here, we’ll cover the 4 deadliest stupid date mistakes that make you more annoying than a cross continental flight with a screaming baby next to you. 

Stupid first date mistake 1: going all-in

‘Hi’ is what comes out of her beautiful mouth, when she arrives fashionably late.

You agreed to meet in front of the restaurant. You give her a slightly nervous smile, the standard double cheek kisses follow.

The following hours probably look something like this:

  • You sit opposite each other
  • You ask how her day has been
  • You order drinks
  • You ask about her study/job
  • You order food
  • You ask about her interests or hobbies
  • You order drinks again
  • You ask about her last holiday
  • Hmm when is the food coming?
  • The conversation is not really exciting
  • Awkward silence #3
  • Hmm shit this is not turning out well
  • Who will pay the bill? (you know who pays the bill)

The next day you receive a message:

‘I had a nice time with you but the feeling is not there, sorry’

The biggest first date mistake you can make?

Go all-in from the get-go!

In other words: your investment is too high

You invest time, a restaurant costs you at least 2-3 hours

You invest quite some money

But most importantly: your emotional investment is too high: the first thing you commit to is hours of semi-forced sitting still and listening to each other in a job interview-ish setting

Stupid first date mistake 2: being Barbapapa 

Barbapapa can be anything he wants. He can change in every thinkable desirable form.

That is the reason why it is a spineless pink turd.

Most men act like Barbapappa, They adapt their answers to what they think a woman likes to hear. They always say what is appropriate, not what they really mean.

You know, the stuff they would say if they were with their male friends.

You do not want to be a Barbapappa. Not even if you are into like colourful, pear shaped women.

Women don’t fall for men that constantly adapt.

Pro tip: I curse a lot less (but still some) in presence of women. Also my crude jokes i hold back a bit, but in the end I say almost 100% the same stuff to women as to my male friends, some conversation tactics aside. I advise you for 10,000 reasons to do the same, so she will like you for who you really are.

Stupid First Date Mistake 3: Not kissing her on the first date

A kiss says more than a 1000 words

Men sometimes ask me ‘Should I kiss her on the first date?’

The answer is a resounding ‘Yes’.

The reason kissing is so important on the first date is because it subcommunicates two important things:

  1. You make clear that you date her because you want to be more than friends
  2. She clearly shows you that she likes you

The first kiss does not have be a long event.

A few seconds is quite sufficient.

The only important thing is that it takes place.

I cannot remember one successful single first date on which I did not kiss the girl. And I had at least 300 first dates.

I will explain my technique for initiating the kiss with a 98% success rate later in this article.

Stupid first date mistake 4: do what all other men do

Let me tell you about the first two dates of my life.

What did I do? Yup, I went to do those things that your mother tells a son he should go and do. Good ol’ mom’s dating advice.

(Not that I have anything against your mother, tell her sorry that I never call her anymore.)

My first date ever was in:

Summary:

  • Where/when: We met in front of the cinema, talked for 10 minutes before the movie started.
  • The movie: Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s about a dude that uses his chainsaw in creative ways.
  • What: One and a half hour sitting next to each other, of  which I am thinking one hour and 25 minutes whether to put my arm around her or not
  • Followed by: After the movie she had to go home, I make a last minute kiss attempt which miserably fails.
  • After: I text her that it was a nice evening and ask ‘if she made it home safe :-)’.

She doesn’t reply, and I don’t understand why.

My second date ever:

Again an officially bad idea. The summary:

  • We meet in front of the restaurant
  • She finds a kiss on the cheek as greeting ‘quite extreme’
  • At this point my alarm bells rang, inexperienced as I was even then I get that this is not a good sign.
  • We order food, she speaks literally in the rhythm of an AK-47 
  • We drink our drinks, Eminemina keeps firing words
  • I look for shelter when paying the bill
  • I do not even do a kiss attempt: again I leave the battlefield without the ‘I kissed on a first date medal’

The date from hell story

The story that I told Arnold and Patrick which I might tell you as well.

What you need to know as background information:

  • I was 21 and just started to gain a bit more pick up skills.
  • I kissed a girl with dark curly hair in a local discotheque in Utrecht
  • We exchanged numbers at 05:07 in the morning and then I did something smart…

Dan: ‘I don’t know why, but I have the feeling that we could have great sex together’

Dark Curly Girl: ‘Yeah I think so too’

After this we exchanged numbers.

That’s how you clearly set the tone for your date. Women love sex and love honesty. Whytry to bullshit her? Honesty is much more fun.

Well, that was it for my ego. This had been my only smart move in the whole story. From this moment onwards it goes rampantly downhill.

Fast forward.

Tuesday date- day starts. Unfortunately:

I feel worse than a toilet cleaner in Bangladesh.

The whole day I drank disgusting instant coffee from those cheap coffee machines (who intented that crap?!)

But it gets worse, I did it at a network-marketing presentation. That is the place for naïve fortune seekers to get their dreams shattered.

 After saturating my brain with promises of an easy passive-income of €43,714 a year I arrive at Utrecht central station at 18:00. At 20:00 I am to meet with the dark curly girl. So what do I do? I decide to buy liquor for the cocktails:

  • 1 liter Bacardi rum
  • A 75cl bottle apple-liqueur

Then I meet the person who will inescapably seal my fate:

John

Nice! A good old buddy. Now I have a friend to chill with before my date starts.

What I didn’t tell you is that back then John had alcoholic preferences which would make the average homeless person blush.  Can you picture a scene that is more symbolic for how we spend the next 2 hours: two guys who are drinking frombottles in a paper bag? 

Yeah, you do the math:

+John’s alcoholic state

+My melancholic state

+1,75 liter of hard liquor

+1 liter wine

An alcoholic story that your grandchildren will be able to recite 10 years from now.

3 First date tips that you should never forget

I’ll continue my mother of all bad first dates story later.

I need some (Dutch) courage to share the rest of that painful memory.

That’s why it’s important to be very clear: There is one thing that’s more important above everything else when it comes to first dates. For there is one magic word that applies to all your dates.

But before I tell you I’ll have to give you 2 fundamental first date tips, if you get these, you’ll exactly understand what I mean with the magic word.

First date tip 1: Handling the first 5 minutes

Say you plan on doing for a drink with her at Bar X.

Then you’ll meet at Bar X, right?

Sounds logical

You get there, give her a kiss on the cheek and you sit opposite each other.

If the connection is there it could work But it’s still quite formal and traditional

How to prevent this situation?

An awesome tip is to start your date at a 3-10 minute walking distance from Bar X.

The big advantages are:

  • In the following minutes you’ll walk the tension out of your system
  • You don’t have to start with sitting opposite of each other right away
  • The date seems to last longer because the setting changes

Pro Tip: When you meet her give her a hug instead of a kiss on the cheek.

Or if you like dancing like I do, and are a bit insane like I am: pull her towards you and do a little spontaneous dance with her.

You take one hand and place the other on her lower back.

The dance only has to last 3-4 seconds but what happen is: you immediately set the tone. She knows straight away: this date is gonna be fun!

First date tip 2: Position yourself in the smart way

When you arrive at Bar X, do NOT sit opposite each other.

Look, sometimes you have no other choice and I’ll forgive you. But sitting down facing her makes if feel like a formal date immediately.

Let me summarize the advantages of sitting next to each other:

  • Silences are much less uncomfortable
  • There is no awkward forced eyecontact
  • You can put your arm around her, give her a shoulder bump etc
  • You can give even give her a small hand massage
  • You can talk about people that are walking passed

Dating insight: An awesome date does not feel like a date. To the outside world it looks like two people that are chilling and having a good time together.

You chill out next to her on that cozy leather bench.

Bar X has a lot of these cozy seats, cause that’s the reason you chose this location for your first date :)

The golden first date tip

What does this boil down to? What is so important here?

I promised to tell you the magic word and that is this:

Motion!

Movement is the one thing that should always be there on a first date.

Physically as well as emotionally.

Both in the conversation (verbal) as in body language (non verbal communication).

‘Motion creates emotion’
- Tony Robbins

This is why sitting opposite each other is such a downer. You’re sitting still, everything around you stands still and the conversation gets still.

If you know me longer than today you’ll know that nobody reflects so deep about pick up as this. That’s why I – as a full blown pickup nerd - added this diagram to illustrate my point.

After the cinema-date it would be very unnatural to instantly move to your place. The two of you experienced so little together.

With a moving date this is different. Because she is already used to changing venues with you she gets the feeling of being on an adventure together.

At a certain moment the city becomes boring and you want to chill cozy at home. She took your lead the whole evening, your place is now suddenly not a big step but just the next location.

I am not saying that you should go to bed with her immediately, but it’s good that she will at least become comfortable at your place.

That’s why you meet 5 minutes from Bar A: you move, the surrounding changes, you walk the tension away. That’s why you sit next to her, now you can take her hand and right after give her a teasing push :)

The following date-diagram is exactly this; meet each other, five minutes walking to café 1, drink one, up to café 2, maybe play some pool, again outside, do something stupid (I’ll get back to that in a minute) and then you’ll continue to café 3 or do drinks at your place.

I have to tell you what I mean with ‘do something stupid’ in the diagram.

Most men are quite serious and boring on their first date, A resume-exchange is a known metaphor.

That’s why you need to do something that shows how playful, funny or crazy you are.

Do a 10-20 seconds’ mini-salsa dance with her or sing a short and very bad song for her, or say: ‘Tag, you’re it!’ And run away!

Do something what other men won’t do and she’ll tell all her friends about it (unfortunately that’ll also happen with all the real stupid things that we men do…)

You might ask yourself when is the right moment to kiss her, which could happen on several moments, but at least do not wait till the end.

Kiss her when you feel like kissing her. If you don’t have any clue, than kiss her while walking from location 1 to 2, or between location 2 and 3. How to do this in my 3 step technique I’ll tell you in a minute.

All nice first date ideas that follow contain the principle of movement.

Top 9 Original Date Ideas

The fact that you are reading this to get some inspiration for some nice ideas is already a very good sign.

By doing this you distinguish yourself from 97% of men who only go to a bar with their dates. So good job man. :)

That’s why I have a list for you  here with all first date ideas including some pro tips!

First date idea #1: Casino!

A fancy niece of me - someone I would never expect in a casino - shouted once after a game of Risk ‘Let’s go to the casino!’

It is not only for high rollers and gambling addicts. It is a nice evening out and does not have to cost that much. Make sure to play together so that you’ll be the winning (or losing) team – both are funny if you make it funny. Don’t stay there the whole night, play some games, get a drink and move on!

If you want to know what to say or if you often doubt that, then check this video!

First date idea #2: Market!

Go to an organic market to buy some food that you’ll cook together.

Taste all the cheeses and all nice things that can be found there.

One way to introduce this idea is to say that you learned a nice recipe abroad and that you’ll prepare this together. Say this in the meeting before or on the phone. Make sure that you know how to make the recipe.

Pro Tip:  Cooking is great for dates, you need to eat anyway and together you’ll be busy. Also dinner is a perfect entrance for the potential sex, and how you do this I’ll explain later.

First date idea #3: Wine tasting

Look for a nice wine bar were you can go. Let them tell you about all the wines they have. You can also join a tasting workshop but I’d only do that if it only takes an hour or so.

First date idea #4: Picknick

Meet at the supermarket. French bread, olives and cheeses. Bottle of wine? Yeah great.

Pro Tip: Take a frisbee, brings movement and emotion in the date!

First date idea #5: Comedy

Laughing together is a as wine for the soul – a great experience and it guarantees a funny date.

Make sure to pick a short program, preferably 30-60 minutes long with 2-3 different comedians.

The funny thing is that comedians often have no life (sorry if you are one) and are often hanging at the bar after the show.

You can easily get the comedian involved in your conversation by giving him a compliment. Of course just fun to do and you impress your girl with your badass social skills ;)

First date idea #6 Story telling evenings!

They are everywhere but especially a lot in Amsterdam.

Often you’ll be sitting on cozy couches, you’ll drink tea and listen to some great speakers that tell different stories. Oh, and there is a hippy granny that serves hot pumpkin soup. 

Very cozy and unique. Off course don’t be a pussy and tell a story yourself too ;)

First date idea #7 Tourist in your own city!

In Den Bosch it’s possible to do a great boat trip through the Dieze, in and under the city!

In Utrecht there is the Dom (and if you live around Utrecht I dare you to the Dom-challenge; to kiss a woman on top of the Dom), but also the Trajectum Lumen, a route full of light art that is very cool to do with a bottle of wine.

In Groningen there is the Martinitoren that is almost as cool as the Dom. ;)

In Amsterdam there are the canals and Artis, and near The Hague there is of course the beach.

And if there is nothing special around than it’s time to move, my friend. ;)

First date idea #8: Karaoke

A coach of us always goes for karaoke dates.

He makes a complete fool of himself on songs from the Backstreet Boys or Barbie Girl.

According to him, girls are impressed because he so easily gets on stage and he clearly shows he does not care to embarrass himself.

I think it is the combination of vulnerability and acting like a complete retard that make women’s hearts melt for him.

Lately I did the same, with great success, now confirmed.

Pro Tip: Make sure that you’re the one who sings first. That’s how you take the lead.

I sometimes take dates to a bar were they have karaoke on Thursdays.

I jumped on stage and did ‘Light my fire’ from the Doors, my score was quit bad but I did it with great conviction like that friend of mine.

Then my date went on stage, she sang Trouble from Coldplay, a real sad song (before the lyrics started I thought: damn this is gonna be a real downer).

But, to my surprise…? She happened to be an IN-CRE-DIBLE singer!

Because I started singing and took the lead I put the bar very low for her.

Think about it, how shit it would have been if – after her incredible beautiful performance – I had to show my retarded singing skills.

First date idea #9: Deluxe restaurant experience for less than 10 bucks

‘But Dan, restaurants that’s where you must not go on a first date you told us’

Sharp comment you young apprentice! But there is a smart exception to this rule.

Let me ask you this: what is the nicest dish at a dinner?

‘The dessert Dan!’

Exactly my young apprentice ;)

During daytime you call some restaurants to ask if you can also join for just the dessert and some drinks.

Often this is possible!

You walk through the city, suddenly you say: ‘here they have the best desserts in town!’ and you pull her into this cozy restaurant.

Now you have the restaurant experience on a low budget, and you’ll give her something to brag about with her girlfriends ;)

How my rampant date ended (don’t try this at home)

All right, you continued reading this far, so you deserve to hear the terrible ending of my first date.

Where are we, oh yeah I was depressed and loaded with alcohol, and standing before my friend John two hours before my date starts.

John and me start with the liter bottle cheap wine, in between a super-romantic bicycle parking in Hoog Catherijne, Utrecht.

We come in the mood and I decide to add a bit of the rum, a bit won’t hurt, will it?

This is the exact moment that my highway to hell transforms in the autobahn zur Hölle: with supersonic speed I go in the direction burning in eternity.     

Between 18:00 and 20:10 I already had a small black-out, but this is what I still remember:

  • I walk on the street without socks nor shoes in Utrecht’s most wacky neighborhood.
  • The wine is gone, the rum tastes strong so it seems a good idea to dilute it with apple liqueur
  •  I find it funny to ask random strangers if they want to join. Nobody is interested.
  • John asks other random people for spare change and finds it very funny if he gets 10 cent.
  • The apple liqueur is gone. Pure rum is quite tasty actually
  • A homeless person shares the rum with us, we are three best friends
  • It’s 20:10 and I see the homeless person drink the last sip of rum. I realize that all booze is gone and that I am 10 minutes late for my date.

With a cab I arrive 20:15 at the dark curly girl

She is very cool about me being late, cool chick actually.

I tell her that I forgot to take the rum with me. She tells me it’s okay and offers me a glass of her white wine. I remember saying ‘nice’ but think ‘that’s a very bad idea’.

Blackout.

From 20:15 to 00:30 I only know this:

  • I lift her in the air to impress her, we fall and hit the wall with our heads pretty hard
  • At 00:30 we sit in front of each other and she says: ‘well mister gigolo, it is time for you to leave’

Gigolo?? WTF??

This was before I became a dating coach so I really have no idea what I told her, but that’s probably better like that. 

What the hell have I been doing in those 4.15 hours in her house? I don’t think the blow against the wall knocked me out but actually everything is possible.

How it ended with John is 17x worse by the way, but first…

The #1 tip what to do on dates

You don’t want – as with all other aspects of pick up - to get into the same category as ‘all the other men’.

Take her into your world, by doing something that fits your personality.

I like to go to an alternative city beach here in East Amsterdam, because I like the industrial arty atmosphere with big campfires outside in a steel fire pit. It is really a space where I feel at home and she’ll be able to discover something new in Amsterdam because not many people know it.

It would be fake if I’d take her to serious venues like a museum, that’s not me.

As bonus some date ideas that are not to be taken serious – exactly what you want

Romantic dates

Nowadays it is often said and written that romantic dates don’t work with women. To a certain extent I agree. But that has more to do with the fact that Romance is confused with cheesy nonsense. To bring bonbons and flowers to your first date for example, only count as romance in Hollywood productions.

The good thing is the following. Men could be way more romantic. Romance can be very fun, and very effective for picking up women! By doing this you can stand out and win her heart.

What are the best romance tips for picking up women?

That’s the question. To answer this question we first need to know: What is romance? Everyone has their own definition, but this is my summary of romance: Romance is MAKING AN EFFORT for a woman. And that’s special. Especially in these times of smartphones, social media and speed dating.

My tips for romantic dates

Again: MAKE AN EFFORT.

This does not mean that you should completely show off. The small things make the difference.

If you meet with her, make sure you have a nice surprise for her. In summer you can hide a bottle of wine close to a nice bench where you will take her (credit: Vincent- one of our coaches).

‘Oh, huh, look at this, a bottle of wine with an corkscrew are just lying in the bushes right here’ you’ll say with a wink

These kind of surprises you should certainly NOT always do. But do it with some regularity. Another option is to take candles for an evening pick nick in the park. Put them around the blanket and give her an open air massage, too bad it isn’t always summer, aint it guys.

Go outside, take her by the hand for a walk through the forest in autumn. Be creative, make a big heart of sand on the beach. To show yourself will make a way bigger impression than taking her to a fancy restaurant or buying expensive presents for her.

Tips for romantic text messages

Yep, again: MAKE AN EFFORT.

Birthdays, arrival and departure times when she travels, exams or presentations: write them ALL down. You can’t imagine how good it makes her feel if right before her exam she gets a message saying ‘Good luck! You’re gonna rock it, I’m sure of it ;)’. 

The same thing for when she’s traveling for a while. Wish her a lot of adventures and say that you/the whole country will miss her. Give something without expecting something back, that is the key to romance.

Another romantic SMS is the romantic compliment. Women are used to getting compliments on their looks. Be unique. Compliment her smile, her radiant face or her perseverance.

Romantic SMS tips:

‘I constantly want to see that beautiful smile return on your face, until your cheeks can’t handle it anymore ;)’

After a date: ‘It was nice tonight. The better I get to know you the nicer it gets. Sleep well tonight’

In the morning: ‘Hugs and a kiss, I wish you a great day!’

Do all these things once in a while, be moderate, so that she’ll never know when something romantic happens. By doing this she’ll stay engaged, because she every time has the chance to experience some romance with you.

Do this with girls you really want to get deep with, not with girls that’ll get wrong expectations. Because if you dose the romance correctly she’ll anyhow fall in love with you.

Active dates

You’re a man, a hero in your own universe. Off course you’re doing a lot of cool stuff, you’d just as well take a nice girl with you, no? Some original adventurous dates:

  • Zorbing (aka rolling down a hill in a big plastic ball)
  • Cable wake boarding
  • Cable waterskiing
  • Canoeing
  • Pitch-dark restaurant where you can’t see shit and blind people serve you!
  • Drive-in cinema
  • Pancakerestaurant
  • Feeding ducks
  • Bad movie marathon with lots of popcorn (talking throughout the movie and never finishing a movie)

Cliché dates that are actually fun

Best Date Idea Ever Ever Ever

A date idea to put at the top of your list. It’s the holy grail of best date ideas.

It’s not always possible. It’ll cost some more time, some more money and more effort… But it is playful, full of movement and romance.

Off course I’m talking about your favorite childhood memory:

An amusement park!!!

According to fellow datingcoach Arnold are amusement parks in winter even more romantic.

Warning: Only do this with girls you really like, there is a big chance she’ll fall in love with you this very day…

First impression at a first date

Research says that the first impression is made in less than a second.

Students got 1/10th of a second to judge someone on different factors as reliability and attractiveness.

Other students got as much time as they thought the needed.

Guess what?

A strong correlation was seen between the students who had 1/10th of a second and the students who had all the time!

Let me introduce an unpopular piece of dating advice, something I never hear other dating coaches honestly say: 

Appearance does matter

Look at it like this

Appearance will not be the deciding factor whether she sleeps with you.

Appearance can be the deciding factor whether she does not sleep with you.

The stupid thing is that 80% is fixable and 40% is fixable on short notice.

On dates I often talk with women about dates, nice subject isn’t it? Rarely I hear women complain about physical characteristics. I do hear women complain about:

  • Dirty/long nails (fix that shit now!!)
  • Worn out shoes (fix that shit tomorrow!!)
  • Musty clothing (Fix that shit this weekend!!)
  • Untended teeth (Always keep caring!!)
  • Odd hairs (Check if you have hairs growing from a birthmark on your face. Or hairs in your ears, nose or eyebrows if you’re older)
  • Dirty sticky hair (don’t walk around as if you put all hair gel of the whole province on your head)
  • General untended appearance (you know what I’m talking about, unhealthy food, bad sleeping habits, too much smoking, no sports… Fix that shit!)

In the end posture, conversation skills, self-assured eye contact and status will beat appearance.

But an untended appearance brings it all down.

Conversation topics for your date

If you want to have something to say on your date, make sure you have some cool stories prepared.

If you read this you’ll be around on this earth for +/- 20 years, you’re not telling me you can’t come up with at least 3 cool stories, are you!

Stop with reading and wright down 3 stories (just the titles) that you could tell on a date.

Do not wait until a logical reason appears for telling the story. Nobody wants you to wait for a logical excuse.

If it’s a cool story we’re happy we’re allowed to listen ;) so spontaneously tell the story whenever you feel like.

Just like the story of John.

How did the wine, rum, apple liqueur combi end for him? John gave me a call the next day and told me in the most hangover voice ever:

‘Dan, what happened after we started talking to random strangers on our bare feet? I can’t remember anything!’

Poor guy, he was worse than me. I told him about my date and asked him how he actually got to his home in this small village near Amersfoort.

John: ‘It was really strange, I was having an argument with the railway police when I regained consciousness.

I stood in front of a ticket machine from which the railway police wanted to remove me. I became angry because I just wanted to buy a ticket.’

I told them: ‘Let me alone, what do you want from me??!?’

Then they said: ‘Hey man, its 2 o clock at night, there are no trains anymore!’

Apparently he ended up in some town he never heard of.

Now he had to wait 4 hours for the first train home…

…….or take a cab.

Since that night he knows that a on hour cab-ride costs about 250 bucks.

Things to say on your first date

I’ll once more refresh your memory of the definition of a first date:

To let her ‘taste’ how it is to spend time with you.

Make sure to direct the conversation, the things you do and the jokes you make all towards showing your personality.

Be clear and honest. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.

How to be playful:

  • Suddenly start a thumb wrestling competition with her
  • Give her a high five if she says something funny
  •  Play truth or dare with her (this is gold!!!)

Cool questions to ask on a first date:

  • If you had to describe yourself without mentioning your job or education, how would you do that?
  • What is the most shameful situation you ever experienced?
  • What is the coolest thing you ever did?

It’s important that you have your own cool answers ready. High chance she has to think for a bit or is a little insecure.

Than take the lead by answering the question yourself first, after that you can let her talk again.

How do I kiss her on the first date?

Kissing is normal

Do you want to kiss her? Go for it when you want it.

You probably think: How do I do that? What if it goes wrong? What if she turns me down?

No problem.

Often men think they ‘lose’ an opportunity if they get turned down.

But women get attracted by men that shamelessly hit on her. (unless you act psycho)

Often a ‘no’ is a ‘not yet’

That’s why I literally say this to a failed kiss attempt:

‘Okay, not yet.’

(And I continue normally about the subject/ ask a neutral question while I stay relaxed)

If she also continues the conversation relaxed, I know I can try again later.

Do use your social intuition! Is she very awkward? Is she scared? Let it go, she does not like you and ‘No’ really means no now.

Last week I had a date in Cuba with a Danish girl that I had met there, I tried to kiss her, she wasn’t ready yet.

I spoke the words ‘Ok not yet’, and asked her something about Denmark, and we continued the talk.

Ten minutes later I kissed her on the same spot with success. And later we kissed more intimate outside.

It is always better to go for what you want then to hope for something that never was. ;)

How to kiss her on your first date (bonus tip)

One other technique I’ll share here with you.

Imagine sitting in front of her. The talk is nice but it becomes a bit boring. You want to kiss her.

What you do is so simple, but at the same time so manly and theatrical that it seldom fails.

You put your glass down on the table.

You keep strong eye contact with her.

You take her glass out of her hands.

You stand up, take a step in her direction and kiss her easy but direct on the mouth.

Even if the date wasn’t perfect she’ll often let it happen because of the ballsy theatrical moment.

How do you take her from the date to your home

Firstly:

Too bad for you if you think I’m a softy but:

I think in the pickup community the focus on getting women to sleep with you as fast as possible is too big.

What’s wrong with sleeping with her on the 4th or 5th date? Some guys act as if that’s way too long.

I think that’s lame. I think then you’ll just go for quantity and not for quality.

I love sex, but if it takes longer for her that that’s also okay.

Secondly:

If you’re ready to take her home, than these are the things you can say to take her with you (these are things I say so they really work, use them as inspiration)

  • I bought a super cool lamp that only works at night, I have to show you.
  • I have a new housemate, his name is Sleng (my home python) and he is very sweet, you should come and stroke him!
  • I’ve got a juicer, you know what that is? Let’s juice some pineapple!
  • What?? You never saw Pulp Fiction?? Scan-da-lous . We go and watch it now.
  • I saw a funny movie you have to see , let’s go!
  • I still have some sushi in the fridge, really nice! Let’s go get some.

Left to right: Me with Sleng the snake, my juicer and the starsky projecting lamp that’s only visible at night.

Of course I do not always have sushi, I do always have fruit because I love it.

Pulp Fiction I really did watch with a girl and my domestic python is an awesome wingman.

The best thing is to mention some of these things already during the date. Say that you bought a new light, and later say that you can only see it at night (it’s really so, at daytime you don’t see anything, see picture) and that she should come to check it.

See it as a seed you plant. You give another fun reason next to sex to go home with you.

Of course she knows that more is going to happen if she goes home with you, but she doesn’t want to feel a slut.

It’s your job to make sure she doesn’t.

Take that job, give her the excuse but don’t lie.

Lying is for losers and unnecessary.

But you also shouldn’t say: ‘Hey come home with me to have passionate sex!’ (even though this does work for advanced guys, but that's for another article).

Do it like this: The last bar you went was already tactically close to your home. Now it’s only a small walk to your crib. You say:

‘Hey, let’s eat some sushi/check out the lamp/meet my new pet!’

And you lead her to your house. Preferably hand in hand.

You don’t literally say that you’ll go to ‘YOUR HOUSE’. She understands that, but it sounds so loaded. While you do this you talk about light subjects.

At your place you have three options:

  1. Push her against the wall/couch/bed and kiss her. If she gets aroused carry her to the bed and escalate further.
  2. Get some drinks, take it easy, give her a massage on the bed and easily escalate to sex from there
  3. Don’t do anything. But if you take her home I advise you to go for sex. If it doesn’t happen it’s fine, but now she is there I would go for it. Postponing can only lead to thoughts and thoughts lead to complications, most probably from her side.

Sex on the first date

‘Shall we watch a movie at my place?’, women will get what you mean. But how do you say it in a nice way?

A date that ends with sex has to be at someone’s house. Ideally at your place. One day I went to make sushi at my dates place. Cool date idea! But her housemates came bothering us, one even joined us for an hour while we’d rather be alone. I was not in the position to throw him out of course. In the end I took her for a drink to my own place. You control your own environment. 

Dates that almost always end in sex

  • Making cocktails together
  • Cooking together
  • Giving massages (I do this always, I really like doing this)
  • Build a fort of blankets and pillows (just spontaneously start, sounds crazy but who doesn’t want to have sex in a pillow-castle?)

Let me knoow how your first date went!

Your bro,

Dan the Ram

 

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