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How to get your ex back

Door: Arnoud Anderson     In: Dating tips     Geplaatst: 29-01-2015

A life long student of success psychology. Turned his passion into his work and writer of the book: The secret of Attraction.


How to get your ex back

How to get your ex back when she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore

When you and your girlfriend just broke up, you are probably going through a tough period. Maybe you’re (literally) sick of it. Or you don’t have the energy and don’t want to see anyone. How do I know? Because it happened to me. And the pain can stay for quite some time.

With another ex-girlfriend it took me a year before I got her out my my ‘system’. If you feel you and your ex-girlfriend still deserve a change, go for it.  If it’s worth fighting for, than do it.

I am going to give you some practical advice for different situations, based on my own experience and on the experience of men and women I coached.

Ex back situation one: Just after you broke up

Maybe it has been a few days or weeks, but the wound still hasn’t healed. What are the best steps to take right now?

Let it rest for two weeks. Ban all neediness and desperate feelings from your mind. Why? Because they are fucking up your changes of getting back together. Whatever you are going to do, it has to come from a place of strength, not dependence or weakness. Begging doesn’t get you anything. Only pity perhaps. Not really what you want right?

Understand why she left you. What happened that caused your breakup? Do you remember the first moment you picked up signals that her feelings for you diminished. Was she trying to make something clear to you? Is there something you refused to see but that eventually caused the breakup?

Contact her but keep it casual. After a few weeks try and contact her through an app or Facebook message. Make sure the vibe is friendly, as if you were friends that haven’t seen each other for some time. Make a little joke every once in a while and keep it light. But don’t overdo it.

Take the lead. Tell her how you see you two, so she doesn’t have to guess. That you then act completely different so she still has to guess is just fine. Say something in your messages ‘no desperate stuff’ or something similar. Give her the impression that you moved on and are happy again.

In the right moment, when the pressure and negative tension has gone, make sure you meet some time at night. When the moment is there, make your move. Tell her to imagine you meet for the first time again.

Make sure there are new experiences between you so she doesn’t feel like you’re in the same situation as before. Show her that you’re different and that you are capable of giving her other emotions and feelings than before.

Ex back situation two: When she has a new boyfriend

One time I had such a big one-itis (focus on one girl) that I chased her for another year after we broke up. That was possible because she appreciated my humor and entrepreneurial vibe. In the mean time she saw other guys. Beautiful women are seldom alone.

Even though this was completely ridiculous, we got back together after she and her new boyfriend broke up. The most important tip I can give you however is to keep investing in yourself! In my case this was the second time that I did my best in getting her back. Nowadays I would never have low standards like these.

You know why? Because I invested in myself! I increased my skills with women to the point where I had 3 or 4 dates a week. My social circle also grow enormously.  I started chasing my own passions and made it into my work. I know myself better and know what I want.

Of course you want to make sure that people also see that you have an awesome life. Invest time in doing fun things and show them of al little. Through Facebook and Instagram for example. Show your ex that you’re not the person she knew but that you changed.

Then, you can go back to situation one and do all the steps described there.

Ex back situation three: When she definitely doesn’t want to get back together

This is tricky, but not impossible. Why is she angry at you? Maybe you took to much for granted or didn’t progress in the relationship. Maybe you were boring. If you are able to change what made you two break up, you might have a change. Think about it, in the beginning there was something that made you to get together in the first place.

Don’t underestimate the power of persistence. There could be a moment when it gets really annoying how persistent you are, but if you get through by staying creative and choosing a different angle every time, she’ll start respecting you. It is however essential that everything you do comes from a place of strength. There’s a big difference in WANTING something and NEEDING something.

I sent very very long e-mails to my ex-girlfriend. When we got back together she told me she kept them all and that they made quite an impression.

The best of luck to you!

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