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Online dating: first message

Door: Patrick Parker     In: Online dating     Geplaatst: 01-02-2015

Specialized in Structured Game. Through his dedication he changed from a lovable nerd to a man that knows how to attract the ladies with a snap of his fingers.

Online Dating First Message

Insider tips for first messages on dating sites

You’re on a dating site en see that one special lady. What to send as a first message? Or maybe you already sent dozens of messages but never get a response with online dating. What’s going wrong? I am going to tell you exactly how to write the perfect first message to increase your chances by 400 procent.

She doesn't respond

First I am going to bring you back to reality. Girls on dating sites get hundreds of messages PER WEEK from all kinds of guys. En most of them write:

Hey you look nice. I want to get to know you


You look hot. Wanna meet?

As you can imagine she’s done with those kind of messages and might not even open a lot of first messages. She has to be very selective which she does and doesn’t open before she really gets tired of online dating.

So don’t feel bad if you only get one or two responses for every ten messages you send. It’s life bro.

A smart tactic is to choose a dating site that is a bit smaller or has a very specific audience. For example online dating sites for highly educated singles. The chance of someone opening your message on those websites is bigger.

First message: the subject line

Some dating sites give you the option of adding a subject to your message. Just like you do with e-mail. When she checks her list of new messages, she will first see the subjects and that’s your opportunity to stand out since most guys are morons and use boring subjects like “You look nice”. Try to stand out of the croud!


  • Hi!
  • You look nice!
  • Let’s meet


  • About mushrooms and dwarfs
  • You are officially hired as my unicorn care-taker
  • Unbelievable!

Be different than everyone else and make her curious about the content of your message. Find something in her profile that you like or that you find interesting or different and use this to make a funny subject.

First message: the content

The goal of your first message is to make her curious about who you are. You do this by being the opposite as every other guy. Fortunately, that’s not very hard because  most guys are shallow as hell.

Woman value emotion much more than guys do, so when writing your message keep thinking how you can make her feel all kinds of emotions. Take the effort of really talking about stuff you read on her profile and the things she says.

The opening line

Just start with a plain HI. If you know her name, add it. Hi Lisa. It makes it more personal.

Then, tell her why you are sending a message, and never forget, she wants to FEEL.

I read your profile and, I don’t know why, but I got this smile on my face.


I found your profile and honestly, you seem interesting to me. You make me curious.

You see what I am doing here? I am talking about feelings and also make her curious about me.

Online dating: find out if she’s worth your time

You want to make sure you communicate that you are trying to find out of she is interesting enough for you instead of the other way around: Oh I like you, please like me too!

Wow I see you like rock climbing, That’s one of my passions as well! I also like your music taste!

Hmm good you like rock climbing. Tell me, what do you enjoy about it? I always get this amazing free spirited feeling when I am climbing. As if you’re on the top of the world.

In the wrong one you see the writer is seeking approval from the girl. She won’t like this a bit, trust me. In the second one you see how the writer is challenging her to tell more about herself. To sell herself to him.


An other tactic is to go be the humor-dude. When she has to laugh hard when reading your message, you’re on your way to a date my friend.

As an example, what if she is an interior designer.

I want to let you know you are officially hired to be my personal interior designer. Your main task will be to walk after me the entire day and clean up my mess to the design of the interior won’t be distorted in any way. You will work from Monday to Sunday from 7AM to 11PM and will earn 3,50 dollar a day. I expect you next Monday.

You then continue with: just kidding ;) and start your normal conversation.

Trust me, she won’t know what hit her and will respond in an enthousiastic way.

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